Daily Notes: Why your "dealbreakers" should be written down (Feb 24)

Dealbreakers feel obvious until you're standing in a beautiful home and negotiating with yourself.

I've watched it happen dozens of times. A buyer walks into a showing with a clear list of must-haves. But then the granite counters catch the light just right. The backyard is bigger than expected. The neighborhood feels perfect. And suddenly, that dealbreaker about no HOA or being within five miles of work starts to feel negotiable.

That's when people start moving the goalposts without realizing it.

The Problem With Unwritten Dealbreakers

When your dealbreakers live only in your head, they remain fuzzy. You might think you know what you can't live with, but under the influence of a beautiful space and the pressure of competition, those boundaries blur fast.

I've seen buyers talk themselves into homes that are 20 minutes farther from work than they said they could handle. I've watched people convince themselves that a busy street isn't that loud, or that they'll eventually get used to the lack of a garage.

The excitement of finding a great home creates a kind of temporary amnesia. You forget why certain things mattered in the first place. Writing your dealbreakers down is the antidote to that amnesia.

Why Writing Them Down Changes Everything

Putting your dealbreakers on paper forces clarity. It turns vague discomfort into specific insight. When you see "no more than 15-minute commute" written down, it's harder to justify a 30-minute drive just because the kitchen is stunning.

Written dealbreakers also create a reference point you can return to when emotions run high. During a showing, you can pull out your list and check: Does this home violate any of my non-negotiables? If yes, you have permission to walk away, even if everything else feels right.

This isn't about being rigid. It's about being honest with yourself before the pressure is on.

The Dealbreakers That Matter Most in the West Valley

In the Phoenix metro, especially out here in the West Valley, certain dealbreakers show up more often than others:

Commute time. When you're looking at Buckeye or Surprise, distance to work can make or break your daily rhythm. A home that adds 45 minutes each way isn't just inconvenient. It changes how much time you have with your family, how tired you are, and whether you'll actually enjoy living there.

HOA restrictions. Some buyers love the structure. Others feel suffocated by rules about paint colors and holiday decorations. Know which side you're on before you tour.

Lot size and privacy. Desert living means different things to different people. Some want wide-open space. Others are fine with neighbors close by. Write down what you actually need, not what sounds good in theory.

School boundaries. If you have kids, this one's non-negotiable for a lot of families. Don't assume you'll figure it out later or that you can overlook it for the right house.

How to Identify Your Real Dealbreakers

Start by asking yourself: What would make me miserable six months from now?

Not annoyed. Not inconvenienced. Miserable.

Your dealbreakers aren't about perfection. They're about avoiding regret. They're the things that, if compromised, will quietly erode your satisfaction every single day.

Write down behaviors or features that make you feel unsafe, disrespected, or unseen in your own home. Maybe it's traffic noise that never stops. Maybe it's a layout that makes your kids feel too far away at bedtime. Maybe it's a neighborhood where you don't feel comfortable walking at night.

Then narrow it down. You don't need 15 dealbreakers. You need three to five core non-negotiables. The ones that, if violated, mean the home doesn't actually fit your life.

Revisit Them Over Time

Here's something interesting: your dealbreakers will evolve.

What mattered when you were 30 and single might not matter when you're 45 with two kids. What felt essential before you worked from home might be irrelevant now that your commute is 20 feet.

I recommend documenting your dealbreakers now, then revisiting them every few years. It's a useful exercise in understanding where your priorities actually are versus where you think they should be.

This also helps you distinguish between authentic boundaries and patterns worth reconsidering. Maybe you've always said "no two-story homes," but when you dig into why, you realize it was based on an old assumption that no longer applies.

Communicating Your Dealbreakers Early

Once you've written them down, share them with your agent early in the process.

This isn't about issuing ultimatums. It's about transparency. When I know a client's true non-negotiables, I can filter listings more effectively. We don't waste time touring homes that were never going to work. Instead, we focus on properties that genuinely align with what they need.

Clear communication also protects you from the awkwardness of backing out after you've already expressed strong interest. If I know ahead of time that you can't do a shared wall or that you need a specific school boundary, we can screen for those things before you ever set foot inside.

The Regret You Avoid

The real value of written dealbreakers shows up months after you move in.

When the excitement of a new home wears off and you're living in the day-to-day reality, that's when compromises you made come back to haunt you. The long commute isn't charming anymore. The tiny backyard feels claustrophobic. The HOA letters about your front yard decorations are infuriating.

Writing down your dealbreakers protects you from that slow-building regret. It keeps your decisions honest when the pressure is on. It reminds you that finding the right home isn't about finding a perfect home, it's about finding one that supports your life without constant friction.

Final Thoughts

Your dealbreakers are not a sign of being picky. They're a sign of self-awareness.

When you know what matters, you can move through the home buying process with confidence instead of second-guessing every decision. You can say no to beautiful homes that don't fit without feeling like you're making a mistake. And when you say yes, you can feel certain that you're choosing with intention, not just reacting to excitement or pressure.

So before you start touring homes, grab a notebook. Write down your dealbreakers. Be specific. Be honest. Then refer back to them every time you walk through a front door.

Your future self will thank you.

FAQ

How many dealbreakers should I have?
Three to five core non-negotiables. More than that and you risk being too rigid. Fewer than that and you might not be specific enough.

What if my partner and I have different dealbreakers?
Write them down separately first, then compare. You'll often find overlap you didn't expect. For the ones that conflict, talk through why they matter and find a compromise you can both live with.

Can dealbreakers change during the process?
Yes, but only if you consciously decide to update them, not in the heat of the moment during a showing. If something shifts, write down why and make sure it's a thoughtful change, not an emotional reaction.

What's the difference between a dealbreaker and a preference?
A dealbreaker is something that, if compromised, will create ongoing dissatisfaction. A preference is something you'd love to have but could live without. Be honest about which is which.

Should I share my dealbreakers with the seller?
No. Those are for you and your agent. They're a decision-making tool, not a negotiation tactic.

What if I can't find a home that meets all my dealbreakers?
That's valuable information. It might mean your budget needs to adjust, your search area needs to expand, or one of your dealbreakers isn't as non-negotiable as you thought. Either way, it's better to know early.

Ready to find a home that fits your life: without the regret?
Let's talk through your dealbreakers before we start touring. I'll help you get clear on what matters and find homes that actually align with your priorities.

📞 Call or text: 623-400-5957
✉️ Email: [email protected]
🌐 Learn more: ClearlySold.com

About the Author
Andrew Texidor is a Realtor and the founder of Clearly Sold, brokered by HomeSmart. He's spent years helping West Valley buyers and sellers navigate the Phoenix metro real estate market with clarity, honesty, and a focus on decisions that hold up long after closing day.

Andrew Texidor, founder of Rewarding Heroes and Clearly Sold brokered by HomeSmart, is a certified AI agent.